Prologue (excerpt)Page 5But the burdens of his secret were never far from the surface. He was often cold and unpredictable, prone to black moods and flip flops on the issues. So erratic was his behavior that reporters took to calling him "Cosmic Bob," a nickname he hated. Kerrey's struggle with the demons of memory made it difficult for him to trust, and quick to withhold. He had few, truly close friends. "The only people who knew Bob were the people in the SEALs," said June Levine, a University of Nebraska professor who first met him years ago when he was struggling with his memories of Vietnam. Like a character in a Shakespearean tragedy, he often seemed to be engaged in a compulsive and desperate search for redemption, but one incapable of accepting resolution. "I carry memories of what I did and I survive and live based upon lots of different mechanisms," he said. When I first uncovered Kerrey's secrets about Vietnam and confronted him in December 1998, [Kerrey] was convinced that America's elite special forces will likely confront similar situations...he acknowledged that he had done something unspeakable, but didn't tell the complete story. He seemed to live in fear of the hard facts and said he wasn't sure what the real truth about his mission was. Ultimately, he concluded it would be better to cooperate in the public disclosure of his role and accept the consequences. Kerrey's intention in acknowledging what happened, he said, was to use his experience as a teaching tool. He was convinced that America's elite special forces will likely confront similar situations while fighting terrorism in hot spots around the world. It is difficult to know with certainty what Kerrey's motives are. And it is even harder to know with full confidence what really happened that night in Vietnam three decades ago. Kerrey's own accounts were often so tangled with contradictions and laced with grief and guilt that it was difficult to press him. Was this real or an act to win sympathy? Perhaps a little of both. My challenge was figuring out what was true-or as close to the truth as it was possible to get.
|
 |
GregoryVistica.com |
|
|
